IELTS Band 7.0 Model Essay ⑩模範解答 <初級用>ーWritten by Sayaー
今日は、Model Essayの模範解答１０回目です♪
でも、今回はタイトルにもあるように＜初級用＞です！
なぜ今回のModel Essayが初級用であるのか？と言いますと、今回の文章は「かなり」テンプレートに沿ったModel Essayであるためです。
私個人的には、テンプレートに沿うことは、勧めないのですが（特に高いスコアが欲しい人）、テンプレートに沿うことでWritingでBand 6.0を取ることは可能になるでしょう。
＊なお、今回の文章は、ネイティブチェックにより、文法ミス、語彙の使い方が全て訂正済みですので、Band 7.0は取れると想定できますが、本番でこのテンプレートに沿ったら、Band 7.0は取れません。
その理由は、「私たちNon-Nativeは結局文法ミスをしてしまうからです。」
（文法に非常に自身のある方のぞいて・・・）
＊ただし！！今回のModel Essayは初級用です。
Band 6.0だけが欲しい！と思っている方！
このテンプレート模範解答をしっかりと読んで、どんな構成か？勉強してみてください。
きっと、この目立つポイントがあると思いますよ！
<課題＞
An increasing number of children are overweight which could result in many problems when they grow older both in terms of their health and health care costs. Why do you think so many children are overweight? What could be done to solve this problem?
＜エッセー＞
Obesity is a major health issue in current society and the childhood obesity rate is gradually increasing. This essay will discuss the reasons why a considerable number of children are suffering from an overweight problem and give suggestions to tackle this matter.
There are two main reasons why we can see an increasing number of children becoming fat. The primary reason is a lack of adequate exercise. In modern society, children are unlikely to play outside instead they prefer playing video games at home. Also, they often travel by car with their parents while it was an uncommon feature in the previous days. Another reason is the over-consumption of food. Recent foods, especially convenience foods and junk foods, contain high fats and sugar which make children overweight. It is true that the parents today are busier and not having enough time for cooking, so they depend on those foods for children’s daily meals.
Regarding the situation, education plays a vital role in reducing this problem. The main reason is that educators can provide children appropriate knowledge on obesity before they get such health problems. Furthermore, their age is a great period to absorb knowledge and remember as their discipline. Another point is that their ages are still flexible to change their habits. By learning the proper eating and exercising habits at schools, they would be able to change their routine easily than adults
In conclusion, unhealthy eating habits and daily routines are the major reasons for the rising number of obese children. However, we have to combat the issue by teaching adequate knowledge to the children and encourage them to develop healthy eating habits since their childhoods.
(277words)
赤を青の印の言葉を使って、自分の文章に応用してみてください。
ある程度整った文章ができると思いますよ。
それでは、頑張ってくださいね〜♪
