IELTS Band 7.0 Model Essay 18模範解答ーWitten by Sayaー
はじめに１（私の近況）
今日からTerm ２が始まりました。
Term2は授業が週１回しかありません。
（どこにあの高額の学費が使われているのやら・・・）
ですが、Term2から修士論文がスタート！
先週は、初めて修士論文の話し合いをしたのですが、とてもいい先生で、うまくやっていけそう♪
それから、今日、冬休み課題であったエッセーを１つ提出（祝）
明日、もう１つ出して、とりあえず、少し落ち着きそうです。
という状況なので、今日は、久々にモデルエッセーをご紹介いたします。
はじめに２（エッセーについて）
今回のエッセーは、IELTS answer.comで添削していただいた私の過去の文章です。
当時添削していただいた、私のエッセーはBand 6.5をいただいたので、訂正をしたものを載せていますから、今回のエッセーはBand7.0であると想定した文章です。
Band 6.5を取ったときの内訳
Task Response: 7.0
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
Vocabulary: 6.0
Grammar: 6.0
勉強ポイント
この点数を見て気づくことがあるかと思いますが、私のおすすめは、Task Response とCoherence and Cohesionで点数を稼ぐことです！
その理由は２つ
- Grammarのミス（特に冠詞や前置詞）は、なかなか取り除けない。
- Vocabulary の向上：時間がかかりすぎる
これはあくまでも、私の経験談ですから、参考程度にしてくださいね。
また、モデルエッセーを読むだけでなく、課題を見て、自分のエッセーを書いた後に、私のエッセーと答えを照らし合わせてみるのも勉強になると思いますよ。
それでは、本日の課題です！
課題
The amount of time that family members spend interacting with one another has been declining in recent years. What do you think is responsible for this trend and how could it be reversed?
エッセー
In modern society, there are a great number of people who are not having enough interaction with their family members. This essay will discuss two possible reasons and give solutions to this matter.
The major reason is that people are becoming busier. These days, it is common for both
parents to work in the day time and many of them are dedicated to working longer than the previous days. This longer engagement on work reduces the time they spend with their family members. Furthermore, smartphones deprive them of the time to interact with each other. A huge number of children are addicted to using them and keep chatting to others with the devices. Although they are at home, they do not interact with their family members because they can contact their friends easily.
To increase family interaction, I believe that the best measure is to set a family rule. For instance, the rule of, “having dinner together on certain days” will help to provide a circumstance to face each other for conversations over a meal. As well as this, limiting the time of using smartphones is another effective measure. By doing this, children would not overuse those gadgets and they have more time to talk with their family members.
In conclusion, there are plenty of families which do not have enough interaction in the modern era. It is mainly because parents are becoming busier due to their work and children are hooked on using smartphones. To tackle this problem, setting a family rule, such as having some specific days to have meals together and a limitation for smartphone usages, would be the potential measure.
Word count: 275 words
＊IELTS answer.comからのアドバイス＊
1) The specific statement or second sentence of the introduction is where you introduce what the essay is about. It is important to make it clear what the essay is about because it makes it clear to the examiner you understand that there are two questions. (訂正済）
2) Add a small recommendation for a truly great conclusion（訂正なし）
